Thou shalt be forgiven for looting Debenhams

It is rather refreshing to recognise that it’s not only Islamic extremists who are willing to annihilate our country’s infrastructure.

Our loveable friends up in London are currently pillaging their own capital city, and, I suppose, it makes al-Qaeda – as we approach the 10^th anniversary of 9/11 – look rather indifferent and unenthusiastic about applying themselves.

I understand the incentives of the two scenarios do vary: Al-Qaeda will only receive 72 virgins in heaven. The Cockneys, however, are able to acquire a Blu Ray player, Rolex watch and five iPads!

So there’s my fun little introduction based upon one of the funniest of the world’s religions.

I’ll now move on to another equally fabricated and unnecessary arrangement of falsehoods – Christianity – and relate it to these current events.

A fuzzy photograph of one of our tediously senseless citizens rioting in London was enough to show a large crucifix sticking to her sweaty, pallid, insalubrious upper-chest area.

Now, although I’m not a Christian, I certainly do appreciate that her behaviour is not something that Jesus would particularly approve of. What I’m quite confused about in this instance is the concept of forgiveness.

The Bible clearly states that, if this scumbag repents to Jesus, all her sins will be forgiven.

What an abhorrent doctrine.

As she was looting shops and smashing windows, this foul woman knew precisely that what she was doing was wrong. Consequently, she should not be forgiven. She may spend the rest of her life trying to win people back, but these actions should always count against her. These actions should be unforgivable.

The concept of responsibility is almost entirely based upon knowing that you will be judged by your actions – in knowing that there will be repercussions. By allowing this lowlife to be forgiven after she mutters a few meaningless words completely repudiates this responsibility. She’ll be living with a clear mind, safe in the knowledge that God – the only entity that matters in the great scheme of things – will give her a free lift to heaven.

If the core message of The Bible was even vaguely moral, Jesus would be giving the sermon of the mount saying, “Fuck off, you cunt. You knew what you were doing. Say goodbye to heaven. Wanker.”

The woman would be whimpering in fear at the thought of hell. She would be unable to sleep due to her impending state of eternal torture.

This would certainly be a far more efficient way of establishing a moral structure to a culture.