It’s clearly becoming ever rarer for me to pluck up the courage to type a vaguely comprehensible array of sentences onto this forgotten corner of the Internet. Furthermore, I don’t pretend to imagine that I have a plethora of adoring fans displaying withdrawal symptoms whenever I fail to publish anything for more than two weeks.
Nevertheless, the fact that you’ve decided to spend a fraction of your ultimately futile life reading this demonstrates that there clearly is at least one person willing to hear my thoughts. Whether I can classify you as a ‘fan’ is, I suppose, less certain.
Today’s bible reading takes the form of two parts:
- A short digression about Noel Gallagher.
- A juicy, throbbing thought of the day about erections.
Noel Gallagher last week announced the release of his new song The Death of You and Me. Despite the best attempts of his record label, the world over (and, above all else, the YouTube ‘comments’ section, which is primarily restricted to vigorous computer masturbators) is zealously comparing it to the songs that Liam Gallagher’s Beady Eye have already churned out.
I feel it is a pitiable, futile but nonetheless necessary act to add my opinion, of which I’m sure you’re riveted to read about.
All I can say is: “What did you expect?”
Noel’s song is infinitely better than any of Liam’s, and, by sticking to what he did best in Oasis, he hasn’t left his fans disillusioned.
Liam, on the other hand, is quite simply a moron who will probably soon be found rampaging around a Norwegian island with a machine gun.
I suppose this article is merely a sort of unprofessional press release to remind you to buy Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds, available on Amazon, iTunes and any other good high street store from 17th October 2011.
I said I would climax with a little piece about erections. It’s more a thought regarding people who still adhere to the primitive argument of ‘intelligent design’ in the universe.
Why, if we’re designed, don’t we get erections on demand? Does the designer really enjoy witnessing the embarrassment of half the world’s population, whilst simultaneously revelling in the disappointment of the other half?
Has this article been a big flop?
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